I can't wait!

I'm so excited. Now that I feel more confident and settled into this position and school, and I can't wait to begin. I am so lucky. There are 20 teaching fellows in the school including the principal and assistant principal, who are so awesome.

I went to City college and had my bill validated (since I don't pay and it's FREE). I spoke to some professors in the special ed. department and they were surprised at how good I have it. Those SETSS positions are very hard to come by and are great for new teachers. I'll get to see so many different classes and work very closely with the students. It could be very rewarding. I remember a lot of students I tutored at East Side House, it was amazing to have such a close connection and be part of the student's success. I also get to teach an elective course and run an advisory. I could teach anything and I think I may do a debate/mock trail course, the asst. princ. said he had a nice curriculum. The advisory will be fun too, we can talk about anything. The IEP work might not be as demanding as I expected, because they've hired another special ed. fellow to split up the work.

The days could not be going any slower.

A Job. Finally.

So after having an excellent interview Thursday with the Bronx school I go to another even better seeming Manhattan school the next day and have another excellent interview.

I get a job offer from the Bronx school Saturday while the Mott Hall school asks me to come in Monday. So I have to put the Bronx school on hold and pursue Mott Hall. Monday I still don't have an answer. They need the principal and she apparently ended up in the hospital with a bad case of heat stroke. So I put the first offer on the line and wait yet another day. This is interview # 3. I wait there for over and hour as they are interviewing someone else. I'm shitting a brick out there, talking to another girl waiting to be interviewed. Then I get dragged into the office for an intense interrogation. I try to wow them answering every ridiculously hard question with a thorough answer including specific examples. I was so on! I really gave it everything I had and I thought it went very well. Turns out they needed another two hours to make a decision, so they'll call me. I spend the first hour unloading on my mother and the second sitting at the coffee shop. This place is supposed to be my sanctuary. I can't read, talk, or think. So instead I spend the longest hour of my life staring at the wall waiting for a steak dinner. At exactly 2:02 the phone rings. At the start of the annoying beep I stop everything, letting the piece of half-chewed steak fall from my mouth back onto the plate. I got rejected. The girl who walked in that morning had 6 years of experience and they decided to hire her. I feel so screwed over. Damn that sux.

So in retrospect the story about the principal's sudden collapse could be a load of shit, but I will never know.

I am desperately trying to reach school # 1 but I am unable to get through. I must go to the job fair. Oh how I hate job fairs! The past two have not treated me well. I don't need this right now. Life is hell. Finally as I am standing on this god awful line for this god awful fair I get the good news. I immediately step to the side, as if I have nothing to do with these poor fools who decided to go to this event. I start running up and down the line, jumping up and down screaming, "I got a job! I got a job!" as everyone is waiting to enter. I'm such as asshole I know.

A New Energy

I need to be more active in this job pursuit. I also need to be more confident. I need to become more aware of who I am in all this. I started reading some theory books, highlighting and such, to further develop some ideas of why I want to teach and how I can reach these kids.

I know that I will be successful. I cannot forget that. Even if I get a job three weeks into school, in the worst school on this earth I will prevail. I need this self-talk right now. It will all work out. I'm really not afraid. The more I can figure out why I am teaching, the more it will help me express myself in these interviews and guide my emotions, actions, attitudes toward the work I will be doing.

I need to start getting excited for this. I'm about to begin a new adventure (I know I'm a cheeseball :))

The birthday honeymoon is over.

So I woke up this morning very late. I looked at my mailbox and it was flooded with fellows e-mails, "I got a job!" I paced around the room. Got upset, almost cried a few times. I'm frozen right now in this unsuccessful search. I'm also starting to get sick of being stressed and upset.

There's nothing to discuss. I don't have a job and it sux. The end. I've rewritten this post three times now. So now I need to sit at the cafe with a coffee and a paper. Goodbye.

A Better Day.

So I decided to call a bunch of schools until I found one or two that would accept a resume. Overall a pretty productive day, I spoke to three principals (at schools that were fully staffed- partly b/c the placement office staff were so rude to me and wouldn't provide any listing of available positions, so it's back to cold calling). I need to keep doing that, build a network. It's very slow and I'm not exactly getting interviews, but maybe I will make the right contact eventually.

Again!

So that school where I had her cell number and was sooo close, double booked someone that they liked more over my interview slot and told me something may open up. The truth is that they weren't that interested in me and picked three candidates that day (it was the only day to interview).

I don't know what people see when they look at me, or speak to me. Do they see an inexperienced young looking white girl who can't control a classroom? I wish they saw an intelligent and ambitious teacher committed to raising achievement. That might be a hard sell for a girl like me I don't know. I feel like I must be getting stereotyped or something because people fail to see who I am in these mini-interviews or on my resume, which apparently sux.

Again, I have to recover from yet another rejection. It's already getting easier, every time I shed a few less tears. I will be so strong by the end of this.

I don't suck.

So the pity party is over (for now).

I went to the school where the office secretary said "go away" and the principal sat down and interviewed me. It went well, I was a bit on the nervous side, but I handled myself decently well. She said of no fault of my own, they are looking for a science expert and have a few, but she'll keep me in mind.

So tomorrow I should go down to the harvey milk school where that other school where I almost had an interview is residing and ask to set up one or talk to someone there.

I gotta go to these places, and not accept no for an answer.

Off to the gym, so I can burn some of this up.

I suck.

So another school I really want to work in has not chosen me. The lady at the office said I could leave a resume, but I will not be allowed to see the principal.

I feel so terrible. I didn't know I was so bad. My resume is pretty crappy. I can't do anything about it. I can't seem to fix my attitude so I don't feel so crappy. That's nearly impossible. I think I'm going to do something unrelated to finding a job today, after I drop off the resume (just in case they may change their mind).

Rejected!

So I had a shitty day. First I call that school and they might want me to come in but never called me back. I hear that its a terror school, but I shouldn't take it too seriously. Let's face it, most of the schools that I could potentially work at, being that I am a new teacher are dreadfully in disarray.

Next I go to the meeting with the placement people (I demanded that they meet with me 'cause I was having a lot of trouble.) It turned into more of a therapy session, I was fighting the tears. He gave me some good advice and was very honest. He said my resume was very basic and nothing stood out to him. How would I make it stand out? He didn't have anything to say to that, just that it was blahh. So I haven't saved the world yet, or done anything extraordinary, I'm fairly young I have plenty of time for that.

Then I get an e-mail from the other school that claimed they wanted to interview me, but I guess they reconsidered because they threw on the ol' freeze excuse. Yes that district is still frozen, but that never stopped anyone from hiring. So more bullshit and lies. I guess it's better than the truth. It's hard to recover from being rejected so much. It's hard to wake up the next day and be positive and upbeat. That was the main advice the fellows guy gave me, be upbeat and positive. Convince the school that even though it sux and is run horribly, you have the plan to bring positive change. I have to shift my thinking here.

My horoscope today was pretty nice so I'll end on a high and include it below:

Some sort of challenge will come your way around the time of Thursday's lunar eclipse, but you will overcome it with ease. Act fast, act tough, and don't doubt for a moment that you have what it takes to succeed-- it's a talent you were born with.